A Hint of Stench
"But we are like an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are like filthy rags." Isaiah 64:6
"There is none who does good, no, not one." Psalms 14:3
"There throat is an open tomb; with their tongues they have practiced deceit." Psalms 5:9
"The poison of asps is under their lips." Psalm 140:3
"Ahhhhhh, breath deeply, fill your lungs with that fresh country air."
Whenever we passed a well manured pasture during driving treks, my father would carry the tone of feigned enjoyment speaking these words. My mother would laugh, "Oh, Joe!" while I, along with my many siblings would gasp and complain over the stench.
Those days are logged in the archives of my memory as both my parents have passed on, but when I travel through those libraries, I can recount their words and the aromas that accompanied them.
Recently, while engaging in the arduous task of cleaning out our barn and packing up my soon to be ex-husbands things, a similar experience sent my senses back to the archives of those memories
.
My beloved friend Shungo(you can read about her in an earlier entry), my sister and I had been loading broken, rusted, and non used items onto Shungo's dump truck while my husband and remaining son were in Seattle visiting my older son. Shungo and I took a full load to the local dump, located conveniently down the street from my house. I have never been to the dumping site before. After arriving, having the truck weighed and moving onto the "pit", my nostrils proceeded to pick up a hint of disgust.
"You need to get out and unlock the doors." Shungo said with a wry smile.
"Me? Why me?"
"Because it's my truck" she retorted, enjoying an ace in her hand.
"OK" my tone resonating forced compliance.
Climbing out among the debris and sand, it was all I could do not to unload my morning meal. My shoes fell on something soft. Venturing a glance downward, I found myself standing amidst some yellow goo mixed with the sand.
That was it, dry heaves overtook my body sending it into convulsions enhancing my already fumbling fingers trying to unlock and open the unyielding back doors of the truck.
"Quick, get back in the truck!" Shungo screamed through torents of laughter.
We both laughed all the way back to my house amidst my elaborate complaints of the sesspool.
Later that evening and through the next days, that scene filled my head. I could feel God's gentle spirit tugging at my heart.
"Beth, Beth..."
I knew what He wanted but I didn't want to go there. I shrugged his wooings like a dog shakes water from their skin.
But He is persistant.
You see, during this time of cleaning with my friends, the evolving conversations revolved on the faults belonging to husband and why I was so much neater, nicer, and purer than he. Even when I didn't begin the discussion, I was more than willing to vent my frustrations through "husband slamming" and add new juicy nformation to the fire. My self pity was milking those I loved for all it could get.
"What is that smell?"
Not only did I spew poison from my lips, strip his character before others, but poisoned other precious people's view of this child of God.
"Hmmmm, is that the wretched aroma of death I smell?"
It's amazing how that reeking cloud follows me like the dust mound follows Pig Pen from the cartooon "Peanuts".
You see, I don't need to go to the dump, I live in it whenever I think I'm doing great or have finally made it because self righteousness STINKS in the nostrils of God, and even more so when it is rationalized at the hurt of another, even if that person is not present.
Oh wretched woman that I am. Who can save me from this body of death?!!!! I STINK TO HIGH HEAVEN!
Thankfulness wields the mighty sword of truth that there is only one who is able to clean, really clean the stench ridden decay from my heart...I am at His mercy and my husband's, for the softsoap of forgiveness.
Ever trusting in His ability to finish what He has started in me...
Beth
"There is none who does good, no, not one." Psalms 14:3
"There throat is an open tomb; with their tongues they have practiced deceit." Psalms 5:9
"The poison of asps is under their lips." Psalm 140:3
"Ahhhhhh, breath deeply, fill your lungs with that fresh country air."
Whenever we passed a well manured pasture during driving treks, my father would carry the tone of feigned enjoyment speaking these words. My mother would laugh, "Oh, Joe!" while I, along with my many siblings would gasp and complain over the stench.
Those days are logged in the archives of my memory as both my parents have passed on, but when I travel through those libraries, I can recount their words and the aromas that accompanied them.
Recently, while engaging in the arduous task of cleaning out our barn and packing up my soon to be ex-husbands things, a similar experience sent my senses back to the archives of those memories
.
My beloved friend Shungo(you can read about her in an earlier entry), my sister and I had been loading broken, rusted, and non used items onto Shungo's dump truck while my husband and remaining son were in Seattle visiting my older son. Shungo and I took a full load to the local dump, located conveniently down the street from my house. I have never been to the dumping site before. After arriving, having the truck weighed and moving onto the "pit", my nostrils proceeded to pick up a hint of disgust.
"You need to get out and unlock the doors." Shungo said with a wry smile.
"Me? Why me?"
"Because it's my truck" she retorted, enjoying an ace in her hand.
"OK" my tone resonating forced compliance.
Climbing out among the debris and sand, it was all I could do not to unload my morning meal. My shoes fell on something soft. Venturing a glance downward, I found myself standing amidst some yellow goo mixed with the sand.
That was it, dry heaves overtook my body sending it into convulsions enhancing my already fumbling fingers trying to unlock and open the unyielding back doors of the truck.
"Quick, get back in the truck!" Shungo screamed through torents of laughter.
We both laughed all the way back to my house amidst my elaborate complaints of the sesspool.
Later that evening and through the next days, that scene filled my head. I could feel God's gentle spirit tugging at my heart.
"Beth, Beth..."
I knew what He wanted but I didn't want to go there. I shrugged his wooings like a dog shakes water from their skin.
But He is persistant.
You see, during this time of cleaning with my friends, the evolving conversations revolved on the faults belonging to husband and why I was so much neater, nicer, and purer than he. Even when I didn't begin the discussion, I was more than willing to vent my frustrations through "husband slamming" and add new juicy nformation to the fire. My self pity was milking those I loved for all it could get.
"What is that smell?"
Not only did I spew poison from my lips, strip his character before others, but poisoned other precious people's view of this child of God.
"Hmmmm, is that the wretched aroma of death I smell?"
It's amazing how that reeking cloud follows me like the dust mound follows Pig Pen from the cartooon "Peanuts".
You see, I don't need to go to the dump, I live in it whenever I think I'm doing great or have finally made it because self righteousness STINKS in the nostrils of God, and even more so when it is rationalized at the hurt of another, even if that person is not present.
Oh wretched woman that I am. Who can save me from this body of death?!!!! I STINK TO HIGH HEAVEN!
Thankfulness wields the mighty sword of truth that there is only one who is able to clean, really clean the stench ridden decay from my heart...I am at His mercy and my husband's, for the softsoap of forgiveness.
Ever trusting in His ability to finish what He has started in me...
Beth
posted by beth at 6:39 AM
0 comments
