The Dark Room
A most unusual experience has crossed my path this day, one which has tugged at something deep within my being.
Attempting to retreive last minute educational psychology case studies my students had turned in, found me on this cool Autumn Sunday, crossing the parking lot of the university to the building which hosts my office. An unusual array of large service trucks converged in front of it like a wagon train readying itself for attack. Sauntering around the convoy, a declaration of service work was posted boldly on one of the main glass doors, announcing all power would be declined most of the morning, rendering the structure void of any artificial illuminations.
"Hmmmmmmmm, think, Beth, think. How is this going to hamper your efforts to retrieve the desired studies?" I began mulling strategies in my head similar to a military officer trying to break through enemy lines. What began as a routine retrieval exercise became a mission. I do so love a challenge like this!
Needless to say, my journey to the uppermost flour, 5th to be exact would not be aided by an elevator. No problem, I thought, I'll take the stairs. Unfortunately, there were no lights in there either. Oooooh, the thrill of the challenge coursed through my veins as in the growing blackness I began my ascent.
Each level decreased any outside light that dared slip under cracks and crevases by way of a wayward window. The upper floors hold more offices and less classrooms, culminating to my floor which is a maze of hallways syncratically dotted with steel doors.
I now found myself inching my way through the solid darkness to the reamaining floor. I could literally see nothing. I held the hand rail and continued counting steps, 1 2 3....11, 1 2 3...11. It was funny, the everyday whimsical counting of stairs I did, now was questioned by my unsure mind. I would slide my dress shoe forward while holding onto the rail to see if there was a clear path. Now, I KNEW there was a clear path, I have been counting these steps for years. Yet, the fear of a fall in the dark caused my hesitation and reassuring movements.
Opening the door to the fifth floor found a small lamp lit (how, I do not know) in the middle of the hallway. That was helpful, yet only briefly, for my office was on the other side of this hallway where no lights were found. I selected my key while still in the light and rounded the corner. Oh no! Although the stairs were easy since I knew their number and sequence, my office was another matter. It's normal landmark, the large protruding clock midway down the hall hid stealthily in the darkness. Mathmatical reliance gone, a new strategy was needed.
Hmmmmmmmm.... I could feel my pulse rise with the thrill of it all. I had come this far, I wasn't turning back without my prize. I knew my office was on the right, so blindly I stepped out feeling the wall and doors as I passed. My office sits almost directly in the middle of the hallway, but that too could not be judged as I couldn't see the corridor's end.
First door, smooth, second door, smooth; third door, covered with various shapes of paper; "Ah, that one's Marjorie's, she has it covered with drawings and things from her classes," I thought. My door was two down from hers and if I was right, the next door would be smooth because that was Pat's. Excitement rose as the next door was smooth. Would the next one be mine? I would be sure if it was sloppy and had an accordian envelope taped to it. Eureka! I found it. The papers were there. Elated with my discovery and triumph, I decided to go further down to our main office where my mailbox nobley sits, in case other papers were there. They were and my excursion a success.
My descent to ground level found more hesitation in my step than previously. More chance of injury if I slipped or stepped too far. However, with each floor mastered, more illumination washed into the stairwell.
As I waltzed through the main door, I almost expected applause from the workers, seeing how I had defied their hurdles and won the race. However, they were oblivious to my personal triumphs, continuing with their own set of challenges. None the less, I was exhillerated at the adventure of it all.
Approaching my waiting carriage, metaphors flashed across my mind in hyperspeed while the still small voice of God whispered to my soul.
"Beth?"
"Yes, Lord."
"Did you like that?"
"I LOVED IT, LORD. It was so much fun."
"I'm glad, Beth, because that's how you need to look at life."
"What do you mean?"
"Did you notice anything familiar on this trek?"
I could feel hesitation grow in my heart, fearing something I didn't want to know.
"Like what, Lord?"
"C'mon, Beth, it's Me you're talking with."
"Yeah."
"Well?"
"It's similar to my life, isn't it?"
"Bingo! You win!"
"Why don't I feel like I win?"
"Because you want things to happen in your time, you are tired of waiting."
"True, so what does it mean?"
"You all ready know, but let me confirm it for you. I give you truth to live by, sure footing on this rough road of life to stand on. As you sojourn, light fades at times and you wonder how to get to where you need to be. At times it's pretty black out there and you stop altogether and become frustrated, sad, or even depressed."
"That's for sure."
"Well, you can use this adventure as a life lesson during those times. When you perceived the obstacles with your office, you didn't stop, you became excited. This gave a positive flavor to your next moves though they were arduous and dangerous at times, did it not?"
"Yes"
"Well, that is a good way to look at those desperate times when you can see no sure step. You took on this adventure with the attitude of completion, giving up wasn't an option. The strategies you formed were based on the truths you knew about the building, right?"
"Right"
"You knew there were 88 stairs in groups of 11 you needed to climb. You knew where the handrail and doors to the exits were. And even though you hesitated on those stairs, you DID know exactly where you were. Now, when you searched for your door, you didn't know how many doors to count, but you DID know approximately how far to go and what to feel for on preceeding doors. There were signs and truths given to you previously to serve as tools for this endeavor."
"I see where you are going with this."
"Do you Beth? Do you really?"
"Well, yeah, it's like the signs and truths you have given me for life, right?"
"Right, and..."
"And, those tools will help me through the dark times like the ones I have been experiencing, so I can find my way."
"And....?"
"And what?"
"Beth, you are a warrior. You have been in many battles and training sessions. You know how to stand firm, but you have done so at the cost of feeling. When you fall, you just get back up as if nothing hurts you, but after a while you become hard, numb. That is what is happening now. I sorrow over the pain you carry. The enemy of your soul is seeking to destroy one of the best parts of you I created, your heart. Beth, sweet Beth, I gave you this adventure so you could see the joy in it. There is joy even in your present struggle. Look at the challenge and meet it with the tools I have given you, the truths engraved on your soul. Let this pruning bring forth my fruit; love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. There are many who need the nourishment of that fruit in you. Let me produce it in you. But welcome it with joyous anticipation, not the weight the muck of despair brings. That only slows you down. Sing, Beth, sing again, as you did in your youth, for I am still the One who loves to hear your songs. So sing to me, my Beth, sing."
"Oh, Jesus, where would I be without You? The way you care so specifically for my needs and desires of my heart, is breath taking at times. Thank you, my Beloved, thank you."
"You are welcome, my Beth. You are MY Girl, always My Girl."
Attempting to retreive last minute educational psychology case studies my students had turned in, found me on this cool Autumn Sunday, crossing the parking lot of the university to the building which hosts my office. An unusual array of large service trucks converged in front of it like a wagon train readying itself for attack. Sauntering around the convoy, a declaration of service work was posted boldly on one of the main glass doors, announcing all power would be declined most of the morning, rendering the structure void of any artificial illuminations.
"Hmmmmmmmm, think, Beth, think. How is this going to hamper your efforts to retrieve the desired studies?" I began mulling strategies in my head similar to a military officer trying to break through enemy lines. What began as a routine retrieval exercise became a mission. I do so love a challenge like this!
Needless to say, my journey to the uppermost flour, 5th to be exact would not be aided by an elevator. No problem, I thought, I'll take the stairs. Unfortunately, there were no lights in there either. Oooooh, the thrill of the challenge coursed through my veins as in the growing blackness I began my ascent.
Each level decreased any outside light that dared slip under cracks and crevases by way of a wayward window. The upper floors hold more offices and less classrooms, culminating to my floor which is a maze of hallways syncratically dotted with steel doors.
I now found myself inching my way through the solid darkness to the reamaining floor. I could literally see nothing. I held the hand rail and continued counting steps, 1 2 3....11, 1 2 3...11. It was funny, the everyday whimsical counting of stairs I did, now was questioned by my unsure mind. I would slide my dress shoe forward while holding onto the rail to see if there was a clear path. Now, I KNEW there was a clear path, I have been counting these steps for years. Yet, the fear of a fall in the dark caused my hesitation and reassuring movements.
Opening the door to the fifth floor found a small lamp lit (how, I do not know) in the middle of the hallway. That was helpful, yet only briefly, for my office was on the other side of this hallway where no lights were found. I selected my key while still in the light and rounded the corner. Oh no! Although the stairs were easy since I knew their number and sequence, my office was another matter. It's normal landmark, the large protruding clock midway down the hall hid stealthily in the darkness. Mathmatical reliance gone, a new strategy was needed.
Hmmmmmmmm.... I could feel my pulse rise with the thrill of it all. I had come this far, I wasn't turning back without my prize. I knew my office was on the right, so blindly I stepped out feeling the wall and doors as I passed. My office sits almost directly in the middle of the hallway, but that too could not be judged as I couldn't see the corridor's end.
First door, smooth, second door, smooth; third door, covered with various shapes of paper; "Ah, that one's Marjorie's, she has it covered with drawings and things from her classes," I thought. My door was two down from hers and if I was right, the next door would be smooth because that was Pat's. Excitement rose as the next door was smooth. Would the next one be mine? I would be sure if it was sloppy and had an accordian envelope taped to it. Eureka! I found it. The papers were there. Elated with my discovery and triumph, I decided to go further down to our main office where my mailbox nobley sits, in case other papers were there. They were and my excursion a success.
My descent to ground level found more hesitation in my step than previously. More chance of injury if I slipped or stepped too far. However, with each floor mastered, more illumination washed into the stairwell.
As I waltzed through the main door, I almost expected applause from the workers, seeing how I had defied their hurdles and won the race. However, they were oblivious to my personal triumphs, continuing with their own set of challenges. None the less, I was exhillerated at the adventure of it all.
Approaching my waiting carriage, metaphors flashed across my mind in hyperspeed while the still small voice of God whispered to my soul.
"Beth?"
"Yes, Lord."
"Did you like that?"
"I LOVED IT, LORD. It was so much fun."
"I'm glad, Beth, because that's how you need to look at life."
"What do you mean?"
"Did you notice anything familiar on this trek?"
I could feel hesitation grow in my heart, fearing something I didn't want to know.
"Like what, Lord?"
"C'mon, Beth, it's Me you're talking with."
"Yeah."
"Well?"
"It's similar to my life, isn't it?"
"Bingo! You win!"
"Why don't I feel like I win?"
"Because you want things to happen in your time, you are tired of waiting."
"True, so what does it mean?"
"You all ready know, but let me confirm it for you. I give you truth to live by, sure footing on this rough road of life to stand on. As you sojourn, light fades at times and you wonder how to get to where you need to be. At times it's pretty black out there and you stop altogether and become frustrated, sad, or even depressed."
"That's for sure."
"Well, you can use this adventure as a life lesson during those times. When you perceived the obstacles with your office, you didn't stop, you became excited. This gave a positive flavor to your next moves though they were arduous and dangerous at times, did it not?"
"Yes"
"Well, that is a good way to look at those desperate times when you can see no sure step. You took on this adventure with the attitude of completion, giving up wasn't an option. The strategies you formed were based on the truths you knew about the building, right?"
"Right"
"You knew there were 88 stairs in groups of 11 you needed to climb. You knew where the handrail and doors to the exits were. And even though you hesitated on those stairs, you DID know exactly where you were. Now, when you searched for your door, you didn't know how many doors to count, but you DID know approximately how far to go and what to feel for on preceeding doors. There were signs and truths given to you previously to serve as tools for this endeavor."
"I see where you are going with this."
"Do you Beth? Do you really?"
"Well, yeah, it's like the signs and truths you have given me for life, right?"
"Right, and..."
"And, those tools will help me through the dark times like the ones I have been experiencing, so I can find my way."
"And....?"
"And what?"
"Beth, you are a warrior. You have been in many battles and training sessions. You know how to stand firm, but you have done so at the cost of feeling. When you fall, you just get back up as if nothing hurts you, but after a while you become hard, numb. That is what is happening now. I sorrow over the pain you carry. The enemy of your soul is seeking to destroy one of the best parts of you I created, your heart. Beth, sweet Beth, I gave you this adventure so you could see the joy in it. There is joy even in your present struggle. Look at the challenge and meet it with the tools I have given you, the truths engraved on your soul. Let this pruning bring forth my fruit; love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. There are many who need the nourishment of that fruit in you. Let me produce it in you. But welcome it with joyous anticipation, not the weight the muck of despair brings. That only slows you down. Sing, Beth, sing again, as you did in your youth, for I am still the One who loves to hear your songs. So sing to me, my Beth, sing."
"Oh, Jesus, where would I be without You? The way you care so specifically for my needs and desires of my heart, is breath taking at times. Thank you, my Beloved, thank you."
"You are welcome, my Beth. You are MY Girl, always My Girl."
posted by beth at 1:57 PM
1 Comments:
Just remember, those who love you walk in the dark with you, too. Here's to finding the light under the door.
From the enchanted forest...
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